Stardust Dancers
by Ferowyn
Summary: Hobbit Kink Meme Prompt: Erebor is won and everyone lives; in a kingdom they were told they would never see and everything is going to be perfect now. Except it's not. Because Thorin and Dis tell them that their little romance has to stop. They cannot be together.


_Prompt: Erebor is won and everyone lives; Fili and Kili are giddy because they're proper princes now, in a kingdom they were told they would never see and everything is going to be /perfect/ now._

_Except it's not. Because Thorin and Dis tell them that their little romance has to stop. They've allowed it this far but things are going to change. Fili will be trained to be a king and Dis already has a line of suitors. Kili will lead the army before having a most likely political marriage. They cannot be together._

: / / – . . ? = #

**Stardust Dancers**

Fili closes his eyes and enjoys the sunrays warming his face. They are sitting on the slopes of the Lonely Mountain, relishing the peace and silence. Kili's head is in his brother's lap and the older one's fingers are running through the black locks, both of them being completely content.

Kili cracks one eye open and looks at the blond dwarf, chuckling lowly. "Uncle would kill you of he could see you like that," he teases, closing his eye again.

Fili does not even bother to open his. "Why?"

"Because you are acting like a bloody elf, preferring the sun to the darkness of the mountain halls."

Fili smirks. "So are you." He bends down to plant an affectionate kiss on his brother's too-pointed nose. "After all, we are children of the road. We have never known long tunnels and deep dungeons. We are used to sleeping in the woods on the floor instead of warm, soft beds in huge chambers. This is uncle's home, not ours."

"Soon it will be," Kili promises, entwining his fingers with those of the older one's free hand. "By the way, since when are you a poet?"

The blond prince grins. "Since my life is terribly cheesy and I am so happy that my cheeks hurt from the constant smiling?" he suggests and again his brother chuckles lowly.

"I never thought that this was possible," the younger one suddenly admits, opening his eyes again and staring at Fili's peaceful face. "Feeling so completely happy. I always… I always lived for the next day or week or year, always looking forward to something and always waiting for something else to be over. I lived for the little things in life, but even when I had what I had been waiting for I did not appreciate it. I wanted more. And there was always that dark spot at the back of my mind, reminding me that I earned the title prince but that there was no kingdom I could be the heir of."

Now Fili is looking at his brother, smiling softly. "And since when are you a philosopher?" he jokes. "But you are quite right. I know what you are talking about. It's like… everything has turned out well. We have won, none of our company died – although it was rather close for uncle – and once again there is a King under the Mountain." Both of them tense at the memory of Thorin's blood-smeared body and the deathly pallor of his skin. "We have a peace treaty with the elves, a trade agreement with the men of Laketown and the battlefield is cleaned."

Kili grins. "Otherwise we wouldn't be sitting here."

"Hardly," Fili agrees. "Way too many of my clothes are ruined because of all the blood as it is already."

The younger one growls lowly. "Stop talking about the blood in your clothes, because otherwise I have to think about where it came from."

"Don't worry," the blond prince whispers, squeezing his brother's fingers "All my wounds are fine."

"I know," Kili smirks, almost managing to ban the pain and the worry and the terror from his eyes. "After all I make sure your scars are healing properly every night."

Fili laughs, quietly and happily. "Indeed," he grins. "And I am already looking forward to your next _checkup_." His voice is deep and husky and the younger one gasps for air.

"Mother said we mustn't be greedy!"

"Mother also said we mustn't stay out late when we were children," Fili remarks, snorting.

"Oh, and do you remember the time she told us that it was unseemly to lie with someone else before reaching adulthood?"

"Aye, I remember that very well. I also remember what we did in the following night," the blond answers, his eyes gleaming.

Kili sits up and brushes his lips against his brother's. "This seems to be too perfect to be true."

It is.

oOo

"Mother!"

"You have finally arrived!"

"It is so good to see you!"

Dis smiles softly when her sons are running to hug her, racing each other and ending up throwing her onto the floor. "How old are you again?"

Kili pouts and Fili is grinning cheekily. "We're grown up," he answers. "Obviously."

The sister of the King under the Mountain shakes her head. "You do remember that you are princes now, do you?"

Her elder son's smile wavers. "Uncle Thorin gives us little opportunity not to." His voice is just a little colder than before.

Dis frowns. "What happened?" she asks. "Come on, accompany me to my room. And tell me everything. My brother wrote me a letter which said that all of you lived and Erebor was ours, but he didn't mention whether any of you got hurt."

Fili and Kili exchange a nervous glance. "We're fine," the younger one answers, smiling reassuringly. "I'm sure uncle will tell you the same."

"If he tells her that I took a few arrows and that bloody dagger that went through my thigh we're going to tip her off that uncle almost died," Fili whispers into his brother's ear, quiet enough for their mother not to hear.

Dis only raises an eyebrow and enjoys the company of her sons on her way through the wide halls and long corridors that are filled with so many memories.

oOo

Fili closes his eyes and tries to compose himself, squaring his shoulders. He sees Kili doing the same and after one last quickly exchanged glance they knock. Thorin opens the door to the big room that is filled with a huge, round wooden table: the council hall. Both of them gaze in amazement at the ancient, ornate table, the heavy, comfortable chairs and the walls covered in stone relievos showing glorious kings and heroic battles.

Balin is sitting at the table, along with Dwalin, their mother and a dwarf they do not know. Their uncle motions for them to take a seat and they follow his order (for now that he is King under the Mountain his words and gestures are law for every dwarf in Erebor), shifting uncomfortably. The council hall is beautiful – actually it is quite a miracle that the dragon has not destroyed any of it – but at the same time very intimidating.

Thorin gives them a reassuring smile. "You are the princes now. I expect you to attend the weekly meetings."

The two brothers only nod; they have already been expecting this. After all they are heirs to the crown of Erebor and up to now their lives had not been those of princes. There is a lot they have to learn.

Their uncle's face goes back to his usual blank. "Very well. There are a few matters I need to discuss with the two of you before we can address more general affairs." Once more Fili and Kili exchange a quick look. This cannot be too bad… Can it? "Fili," Thorin begins. "Since you are the older one and thus heir to the throne you will be educated in the most important subjects from tomorrow on, including demeanour, accounting, diplomacy and history. Balin will be the one teaching you, as he has taught me." The old dwarf smiles broadly and winks. "Kili, you will be joining him in the etiquette lessons. Apart from that Dwalin will tell you everything you need to know about our guards and army and show you how to lead them. You are going to be the commander-in-chief one day."

Both princes incline their heads. Nothing unexpected so far.

Then their mother's face goes as blank as their uncle's and both of them are unable to suppress the shivers running down their spines. Fili cannot imagine himself – nor Kili, for that matter – wearing this cold, indifferent expression. However, he has a feeling that those of Durin's blood are not to escape that fate.

"You are the princes of Erebor," Thorin repeats. "Thus you are not only expected, but required to give us heirs who continue the line."

The next secretly exchanged look. They have also expected this, and already talked about it.

"We were thinking that we could look for a surrogate mother," Fili says slowly. "I am sure many women would offer to carry the heir."

Their uncle knits his brows together. "The prince being an illegitimate child?"

"Of course not," Kili answers, his voice much firmer than he is feeling. "We would marry and formally adopt the child… or children."

Thorin sighs. "I cannot let you do this."

"Why not?" Fili suppresses his anger, needing to keep his head clear. "It is common for us dwarves to marry our siblings."

"Not for those of royal blood."

"You know as well as we do that we love only once in our lives. Do you really want to take that from us?" Kili tries to persuade his uncle.

This time it is Thorin and Dis who exchange a quick glance.

"As my brother already explained," Dis says, softly, her voice full of apologies "Kings and Queens are not allowed to marry their siblings. We are not crowned to be happy. We are crowned to make our people happy. There is no place for romantic love in our lives." She sighs. "We know what we are asking of you. We know how much it hurts that we tell you whom to marry. We know how much you need each other. And we are sorry for that, but our people always must come first."

"If you _know_," Kili chokes, not even attempting to suppress the tears "then how can you do this to us?" He springs to his feet and leaves the hall, the door slamming shut behind him.

Thorin frowns disapprovingly, but Dis' hand on his shoulder smoothens his face immediately.

Fili clenches his fists. His self-control is better than his brother's and he knows his uncle well enough to be aware of the fact that calm, factual reasoning will get him farthest. "What do our people gain from a marriage with two random dwarvish women that they do not gain if I wed Kili?"

"You have spent all your lives alone, together. They might think that you are excluding them, not interested in their concerns. However, if you marry a woman who has grown up among them they will think you much closer and maybe we could form alliances."

He may not agree, but his uncle will adhere to this. Fili gnashes his teeth. He knows when he has lost. "How long?" he asks, dreading the answer. If they have a few more years – maybe they could work out a plan. How to keep their relationship a secret, or where to run if they have to.

"Your mother and I will start to hear the suitors tomorrow morning and we expect you to be engaged within this month."

Dis smiles sadly, her eyes pleading for forgiveness. "You are the princes," she says again.

This time Fili cannot suppress the growl. "So are you."

His mother tenses, but nods.

"Then how come that uncle is still unmarried?" He is storming out of the room, too.

oOo

Dis watches her son leave sadly

Thorin's fingers on her arm make her freeze. "We have to," he murmurs.

She exhales slowly. "I know. But that does not make it any easier."

The King under the Mountain smiles, a very rare, honest smile. "Bad memories?"

"Bad memories," she agrees, not able to look at her brother.

Thorin squeezes her hand before he backs off. "We should give them some time. They need not be present when we hear the suitors, only when we have selected those appropriate for them to choose. Until then they will have accustomed themselves to the situation."

"I do hope so," Dis whispers, barely audibly, and her brother darts her a short glance. _Me, too_.

oOo

Fili closes his eyes and tries to calm himself on his ways out of Erebor's wide halls. As expected he finds Kili sitting on the slopes of the lonely mountain once again, in the exact spot where they had spent their perfect day.

As soon as he hears his brother approach Kili lifts his head, his eyes hopeful, but when he sees the older one's expression his face falls. "They are serious about this."

Fili sits down behind his brother, entangling their legs and pulling Kili's back against his chest, resting his head on the dark-haired dwarf's shoulder. "They are."

For a few minutes neither of them says a word.

"How long do we have left?" Kili finally asks.

"We are supposed to be engaged by the end of the month."

The younger one starts up. "_What?_ But that's… that's barely more than two weeks!"

"I know."

Again they keep silent.

"What are we going to do?"

Fili sighs heavily. "I thought about running, but it is too late for that. An escape must be planned thoroughly and we do not have enough time to do so. Besides, I am afraid uncle would find us anywhere. Now that he is King under the Mountain and has an agreement with the wood-elves it is within his power to locate every single person in Middle-Earth if he truly wants to."

Kili nods thoughtfully. "You are right. Hmm… and if we just…"

"Have an affair?" Fili finishes the sentence.

The younger one nods again.

"It would have to be a secret – no one could know. If anybody, especially our wives or family, found out… that would be a scandal. We cannot risk the reputation of Durin's line. Furthermore I do not want to hide, I want to love you openly and with everything I am."

Kili smiles sadly. "Neither do I, but I'd rather have you in secrecy than not at all. You have a point, though. We cannot risk our family's reputation." His voice is bitter.

Fili buries his face in his brother's thick locks. "I can think of one more solution, but… it would not be fair."

"Not fair towards whom?"

"Mother. And uncle."

"Well, they were not fair to us, either!"

The older one chuckles sadly. "You are sounding like a sulky dwarfling."

"Well, it is true!"

"This is a decision we should not make out of defiance."

"We don't," Kili says "We make it out of love." He sighs. "I know what you are talking about and I have thought of it, too." He turns around, facing his brother. "I do not want to be without you, Fili. I _cannot_ be without you."

"What could happen to us if we let them?" the older one whispers, leaning his forehead against Kili's. "We would be unhappy for the rest of our lives. It is not fair of them to demand this from us, but it does not justify taking their heirs. Taking their nephews and sons."

"You know that this is not true," the dark-haired prince contradicts. "We have always been closer than most couples. There are not many who need each other as much as we do, but those who do – they have faded upon separation. We would not only be unhappy. We would _suffer_. Being so close and knowing that we could never have each other…" He gulps heavily. "Think about never kissing me again. Never touching me again, never hugging me again, never telling me that you love me again. Never falling asleep next to me again. Never… never being mine again, and me being yours. Do you truly think you could stand that?"

"No," Fili answers, slowly. "I think I would lose my mind."

"So we are going to do it?"

Fili only stares at him for what seems like an eternity. "Yes," he finally says. "We are."

oOo

Dis is sitting in her chambers, staring at the grey stone walls. Only too well she remembers the day that Thrain had told her he had found her a husband. She had been shocked, unbelieving and desperate. Surely her father and grandfather could not tell her whom to marry?

They could.

Every dwarf in Erebor had celebrated on the day of their wedding – everyone except her and her brother.

A knock at the door startles her. "Come in!"

Thorin enters, closing the door and leaning against it. "How are you?"

"They have not left their rooms yet."

"They will."

Dis smiles sadly. "What if they don't – will you make them?"

"They have to," her brother says firmly, but she sees the same sadness in his eyes.

"Maybe… maybe this is not necessary. Maybe we could let them marry each other."

"It is not appropriate."

"Since when do you care about appropriate? Besides, you are the King under the Mountain. You can do whatever you wish and no one will dare to raise his voice."

Thorin shakes his head. "It is not their choice, just as it is not mine. They have to follow the rules." His fists are clenched and his jaw is set.

Dis gulps back the tears and wishes her brother would be able to let go.

oOo

Fili closes his eyes and listens to the silence. It is the dead of night and everybody else is asleep. He can hear Kili's heart pounding fast underneath his head and it hurts to think that this beautiful sound will soon never be heard again, but imagining a life without his brother at his side hurts so much more.

"Do you think we are going to be granted access to the halls of waiting?" Kili whispers, playing with his brother's hair. "You know the legends…"

"That those who take their life willingly are bound to roam this world forever, voice- ad bodiless? We do not take our lives. Mother and uncle did." His words are bitter. He does not want to die. Has he not fought like a lion in the Battle of Five Armies, desperate to survive? It seems like a joke now. "And we do belong together. Even if we are not granted access… we will never be alone.

Kili nods. He feels his brother's breath on his chest, warm and so beautifully alive. "Never," he says, choking back the tears.

Fili raises his head. "Do you… Do you want to leave it?"

"No!" His voice is firm. "There is nothing else we can do. I'm only… disappointed. This is not what I expected."

"Me neither. I thought I would die in battle, or in high age, and not cowardly take my own life."

"This is not cowardly. That would be if we did not do anything. This here… this is being brave."

Fili smiles sadly. "Maybe."

They enjoy their last hours, at the same time painfully aware of the time that is running through their fingers like sand.

"I want us to be cremated," Kili suddenly says.

His brother raises an eyebrow. "It's a little late to tell them now. Why?"

"Because then we will be nothing but dust. Stardust. And on late summer evenings, when the light is dying, we can be dancing in front of the fireplace, glimmering in the light of the fire, settling on the cupboards when everyone has gone to bed. And then mother will find us in the morning, in places where we are not supposed to be, and she would grumble about it, but smile secretly."

"And uncle would complain about us, dirtying the throne room," Fili adds. Both of them have tears in their eyes.

"I always wanted to leave muddy footprints on uncle's throne. Preferably before he is about to meet Thranduil."

They wait until the mountain starts to wake up, the distant sounds of forging reaching their ears. "It is time," Fili whispers. "Are you ready?"

Today they are supposed to choose a bride. Kili nods. "Let's do this."

The older one opens the tiny bottle that has been standing on the bedside table all the time. "I'll see you there," he murmurs and pours all the liquid into his mouth, before he kisses his brother, swallowing only half of it. The other half he gives to the younger one. The kiss tastes bittersweet, of love and farewell and the poison.

"Ashes to Ashes," Fili whispers, already feeling the pain surge through his body.

Kili smiles tiredly. "And dust to dust."

oOo

Dis waits until the funeral is over and everyone except her brother has left before she breaks down. She has not cried in more than hundred years, not even at the birth of her sons. Now her tears are falling at their death.

"I am sorry," she hears Thorin whisper. "This is my fault." His voice is thick with tears as well. "If I had just been able to let it go… They were right. _You_ were right. This was not necessary. Only because we had to… that wouldn't have had to mean that they…" He cannot suppress the first sob and sometime between all the following ones he wraps his arms around his sister's shoulders.

For a moment Dis freezes, but then she melts against the King under the Mountain, for the first time since her marriage allowing more than a fleeting touch. It seems to make the pain only worse, but now she does not have the strength to fight her own feelings.

"I am sorry," Thorin says again.

"Me, too," she answers and she is not only talking about the loss of her sons, but also about the loss of the one she loves so many years ago.

"I… I though… that because we couldn't have it… they couldn't either."

"I know," Dis whispers. "I know."

"Forgive me," her brother pleads.

"I already have," she murmurs. "I know why you did it. I know your pain. It is the same pain I feel."


End file.
